hari ini

          Alhamdulillah. lega rasanya apabila waktu menyelesaikan majlis berbuka puasa itu semakin dekat. cuma yang paling merisaukan aku adalah dengan banyak kene fikir tentang berapa ramai orang yang akan datang dan kos yang perlu ditanggung itu adakah cukup dan berkesempatan. harap-harap dato' tidak datanglah sebab banyak kerja nanti protokol termasuklah aku ....wallahua'alam kita tengok sahajalah nanti. seusai aku memikirkan dan sibuk mengira-ngira segala pengiraan tentang bajet majlis aku menjadi keletihan dan tertidur. tiba-tiba pensyarahku cik Halijah telah menelefon dan memberitahu tentang pertambahan ahli yang akan terlibat dalam majlis. alangkah leganya aku kerana dapat selesaikan masalah ini.insyaallah akan ader rezeki dimana-mana sahaja dengan keizinan Allah swt.


         Setelah itu, aku mendapat panggilan telefon daripada kekasih hatiku. dengan gembiraya aku berkata dan aku sudah pun selesai membeli nasi kerabu kegemaranku. yelah aku telah selesai membelinya sewaktu aku pulang dari university bersama rakan-rakanku. seronoknya hari itu kerana kami banyak bergelak ketawa dan sebagainya. tak berhenti bercakap. hehehe semalam aku selalu sedih dan sebagainya. aku selalu murung dan aku terasa segala beban yang ditanggung seakan sudah tidak tertanggung lagi. tapi begitulah hakikat hidup sebab ada yang sedih dan ada yag gembira. haih, penat memikirkan tentang diriku yang selalu emosi. kadang kala orang tersayang di sekeliling sudah habis akal untuk memikirkan sikap aku yang sangat tidak terjangka. maklumlah perempuan ada pasang surutnya dalam tiap-tiap bulan. sudah menjadi satu kelaziman. aku mesti berubah menjadi seorang yang gembira. itu adalah erti bagi namaku sendiuri. cahaya kegembiraan yang sebenar insyaallah ada reezeki bagi diri kami dan diriku suatu hari nanti asalkan ada sahaja keazaman yang akan senantiasa di tunjukkan untuk kejayaan yang hakiki.


          Rindunya dekat maka ayah dan along. kasihan mengenangkan ibu yang selalu berbuaka keseorangan di rumah. ayah pula selalu sibuk tetapi aku berharap suatu hari nanti waktu cuti aku bertekad untuk membantu inu di rumah dan selalu menemani keluarga yang tercinta. aku harus menganggap bahwa hari hari ku adalah yang terakhir kerana saat-saat yang dilalui akan menjadi sebuah sejarah dan bukan lagi suatu kisah ayang akan terjadi selalu atau acapkali. seronoknya kalau dapat balik rumah awal ! memang rasa mahu pulang awal harap-harap dapat beraya dengan gembira tahun ini dan dapat sabut ddengan meriah dengan keluaar pun cukup lah kan. insyaallah nak beli baju raya dengan yang tersayang insyaallah kalau diizinkan illahi dapatlah kami membeli barang keperluan dan persiapan di hari lebaran dan meluangkan masa bersama-sama.saya rinukan ayah dan ibu. merekalah segalanya bagi hidupku. adik sentiasa di sini dan aku selalu juga bertemu dengannya. alhamdulillah keluarga daku sudah besar-besar semuanya dan ya Allah bimbinglah daku dengan cahaya nurmu dengan ahli keluarga yang mengasihi dan suami yang beriman yang sedia membimbimg daku dunia dan akhirat kelak.

hurm kind of tiring day of course

today i am expecting less day dreaming as if. it is all about contradicting all my hase of knowledge that seems to lean on a terrible mattress. hey so keep in touch with all the unstoppable obligatory works that me supposed to do !!!! daa get move now my dear !!!! exacly the tempting thought that succumb my tribute has come to the beggining now. hurm it seems to make me wondder and wonder do i need to begin my journey with my own way of life like work har stimulate hard and play hard with my daily life . sometimes it does not make sense. of course i am not the only one that always sorrounds with such dilemma of life . inhabitants of acknowledgements is tremendously unsupervised now. so what i supposed to do?? do i need to change my daily life routine with that kind of boring and so lumby work around or do i need to ...what so ever. it does not make sense !!! i am turning to a turnip this year....turning to big sleepy head and turning to the lazy sloth i think so...hahahaha terrible is it !!! oh allah stop me from mumbling with these bloggggggg

hurm sometimes working so much with thoughts makes us the stupendious irredicular person you know. somehow the second thought is the best because they tend to easily forget when we neglet their existence. hence i try to break all the news that i need to know. hey now i mumbling alone with the laptop .......i want to get married ..to have triple degree and have masters in MBBS then i want to have money and be solehah women that rally took care of my families ...owww that superb but i must start day dreaming form now...so stop dayreaming lah and WORK ASMUCH AS POSSIBLE....shittt i need to do now or never dude...........owww what !!!!! i am still in my sand castle and do not know how to start actually.... i know my potential but it seems to fade with my mood..let say today and tomorrow i do not have the damm mood so the other next day i will stop being hardworking and bla bla bla...then i STOP with half journey of path shitttt i gone to mad and too far. tiringly of course but the way i get life is not enough... i need to relax and study yessss. i could YESSSS I COULDDD... YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

see th road is near to see but i must walk in order to reach or i have to run

what !!! a tiring day

seems i always end up with many deadlines. studying , driving , and even settle down for many chapters of futhur readings....plus even a day i did not eat because i buzy with my days. today the lecturing was so pack and i even turned saturated in mind. asking questions with writing notes, digesting all informations as many as i can . nevermine farehah you just be optimistic as i can whenever it goes-in order to have life with flying colours we must struggle and learned in all the way round us. people bad mouth, people that have sickening mind that always envy with other people's life. no one tend to be very perfect in his/her life. always be optimistics is one of confidential qualities that we should all have. I LOVE MY FAMILY AND I LOVE HIM THAT I DID NOT EXPECTED WILL COME INTO MY LIFE THAT BEFORE WAS BEEN BETRAYED . since i have so much things to update, i need to be very properly deliberate my path in secure. it is not easy to settle down all hurdles that sometimes are like SHIT..hahah typically nonsense but life is not easy

     likewise i want to mention in here MY LIFE IS NOT EASY, I AM NOT CHEAP AND NOT EXPANSIVE. SO WHAT???..HEHEHE a complete continuation in my words are absurd..hah seems like i keep mumbling with my blog .

huh.....what a messy day

it seems like i want to procastinate all my task which involved with lab reports and also with the futhur readings and homeworks and etc...bla bla bla....terrible i need to it in rush. what a total messy day. guess what i think i dont sleep today and maybe i sleep for only 2 or 3 ours only. before i started to continue my task that i have not yet finish, i have some of little chit chat with my housemate and her partner-the restaurant owner at Sentul....we talk alot about football and also about cars exspecially sport cars and the executive one . he admires the CLK and Brabus but thing is he have S series mercedes why must wasting for another car.....better he gave the money to us-belanja makan tengok wayang ker berguna jugak....wahahaha... then this MR.Danas-he open Danas restaurant at Sentul-he's the bos....he still very stubborn to buy new car until then i say sir, no need to buy better you just keep that money to yourself for future..then he realises that i am correct..what tha? that means that he did not remember to save his money for his sake then rather with jolly with such cars thang....what an idiot rite???

haih still i am not finished my immunology and serology lab report plus DR.pallavi futhur readings and homeworks-pathogenesis. this is bad..i am procastinate too many works because i am soo lazy for this time being..i want to go for some holiday in advance with my bucuk but thing is he's still in exam mood for this wednesday...need to wait lah lagi....I MISS MY BUCUKKKKK.....uwaaaa

apa ada dengan kemarahan ?

setiap kemarahan berpunca dari kurangnya daya pengawalan sensitiviti diri selalunya berkait rapat dengan ketidak stabilan emosional, dan spiritual. begitulah jika dilihat kemarahan yang membuak2 antara setiap manusia-manusia yang tidak mendapat sepenuhnya hidayah dan tauhid daripada allah s.w.t . jika dilihat kemelesetan hidup yang melanda di rantau dunia ini banyak membangkitkan semangat kemarrahan setiap penduduknya. cuba direnungi, kita kini dilanda badai peperangan walaupun peperangan tersebut tidak dialami di bumi Maalaysia-nauzubillah tetapi bahang peperangan di bumi anbia' di Palestine terutamanya banyak memberi wacana pemikiran terhadap penduduk di sini. Gaza...kini dalam pertikaian di mana letaknya kini hak-hak mereka yang pasti...hak hak rakyat palestine yang kini kian meruncing dan mereka yang tidak berperikemanusiaan seperti belanda dapat tanah ??? 

APA ADA DENGAN KEMARAHAN??

renungkanlah kita di sini mewah dengan segala nikmat yang Allah s.w.t kurniakan, cuba lihat mereka saudara dan saudari kita di Gaza !!! mereka kebuluran, mereka sengsara, mereka tersa terbuang...hina, fisabilillah dan segalanya...

KEMARAHAN adalah salah satu cara yang mampu mereka ungkapkan...sudah bertahun mereka bermati-matian mempertahan bumi suci tanah air mereka yang kini dalam 'kemahuan' bangsa yang dianggap suci itu....kemana nilainya hormat,kasih-sayang,saling melengkapi sebagai makhluk tuhan yang bernas,dan 'di anggap sempurna itu'? sakit hati melihat saudara-saudara serta saudari-saudari kita yang menjadi mujahid di dalam peperangan. mereka kecik-kecil lagi sudah bernai berjihad dan terkorban..masyaallah...bagaimana pula dengan kita??? leka di arus kemodenan,kebaratan,hawa nafsu,dan keduniaan sampai bila kita mahu berteraskan barat yang mampu menyesatkan kita?? sudah tentu barat banyak memberi kita peluang dengan ilmu, kemodenan dan globalisasi yang infiniti berseerta teknologi yang 'sophisticated' tetapi, bila kita ingin menjadi sebuah bangsa yang akan diikuti dan dikagumi sekali lagi seperti zaman dahulu kala...zaman ibnu sina,zaman iskandar zulqarnain,zaman para anbia' yang mursyid terhadap ilmiah sehingga digeruni oleh 'mereka" !!!!! 

kemarahan yang bagkit terhadap umat islam kini seperti berbelah bagi...kesatuan dan kerjasama kita kian rapuh dek kemodenan infrastruktur yang telah dipelopori ...kita semakin layu..kita semakin lemah...BANGKIT WAHAI KAUM MUSLIMIN DAN MUSLIMAT....!!!!!!!! kita dalam kepongpong ancaman...kita semakin ditindas dan tertindas...kita perlu bersatu menjadi sebuah kesatuan yang kuat yang mampu bersuara lantang ! yang mampu bangkit semula menjadi sebuah bangsa yang akan digeruni suatu hari...seperti dahulu.. 

my days

for each night i face new and new thoughts that may seem to be so disgracing my capability.

as if the days that have change my sickening thoughts of life may dimmed and starts to stops...i would rather say that i really need you now... for all days i sense that i have lost something that peacefully un-threading my wound before.. why now seems everything that i feel to adore once upon a time, come to perished and seems like somebody try to take pebbles inside my shoes. my dreams its all about metaphore and unpredictable desires... like before i try to hidden down my sorrow and dreams. like no one will know and understand all those thoughts lingering my each neurons in brains.

i remember...when i starts dreaming about you my happiness that i dream would be somebody out there came to my life and threads all my wounds that wont be heal no more?? mercifully no one answer my questions....then one day i knew him but i try to deny he's existence for the first time....i deny and abandon....but someday that feel of lost came to my heart and say NO I WILL NEED HIM and I WANT HIM TO BE WITH ME FOREVER.... why should i end up this honor of love? why should i start to bleed to the things that i did not surely known? I LOVE HIM...i know he will do the same but why should i sense something LOST? looking up his face, his smile, his sweet jokes and giggles all that part of him i love..i try to fancy him for the way he are. are we match for life??? oh allah i need him most of my entire life. i study, i pray, i remember,i spend i still cannot forget for single day . waiting and waiting for him is part of my routine and happiness. can he love me now and here after???? my love will you answer my thoughts?????

devotion

for today i slightly think that how my life would be ?each day i thought am i would perform well or perhaps better for another day ...as if i guess. seldomly,i always feel lack of self esteem when i did not pursue well in my english debate during my school time. but i seems to miss them all.
oh how tremendous if time would be easier to turn back into my prior times...i wondering so much today when thinking about my exam results. are they will be precisely in flying colours or not.
i intend to continue my study after this. and i would not give up. well i know i can!!!

today i had a very soothing and relaxing moments when my room filling with lavender and ylang ylang aromatherapy. i posses so much into them and i slowly let my sleep coming into my world of dreams. feel so lonely and weary there and i almost forgot what an earth am i had dream just before???daa am i afraid?or what?some dreams represents on what we want or what things which have came before...more like into deja-vu experienced . and it was so absurd when i had a dream-or can i called and odd and nightmare like dreams dogging through my head JUST THIS afternoon????owh gosh that is so lame wierd...as before i rarely felt asleep during at noon because it make me tired when i woke up and i could stand my eyes longer during night -i mean hardly to sleep when we have fast asleep during at day time.

this devotion like memories kept thumbling in my head and i feel " oh that's only an imagination effa!!!!!" which unsettled in my past days..maybe or perhaps....so forget it...."yeahh okay i will"