my days

for each night i face new and new thoughts that may seem to be so disgracing my capability.

as if the days that have change my sickening thoughts of life may dimmed and starts to stops...i would rather say that i really need you now... for all days i sense that i have lost something that peacefully un-threading my wound before.. why now seems everything that i feel to adore once upon a time, come to perished and seems like somebody try to take pebbles inside my shoes. my dreams its all about metaphore and unpredictable desires... like before i try to hidden down my sorrow and dreams. like no one will know and understand all those thoughts lingering my each neurons in brains.

i remember...when i starts dreaming about you my happiness that i dream would be somebody out there came to my life and threads all my wounds that wont be heal no more?? mercifully no one answer my questions....then one day i knew him but i try to deny he's existence for the first time....i deny and abandon....but someday that feel of lost came to my heart and say NO I WILL NEED HIM and I WANT HIM TO BE WITH ME FOREVER.... why should i end up this honor of love? why should i start to bleed to the things that i did not surely known? I LOVE HIM...i know he will do the same but why should i sense something LOST? looking up his face, his smile, his sweet jokes and giggles all that part of him i love..i try to fancy him for the way he are. are we match for life??? oh allah i need him most of my entire life. i study, i pray, i remember,i spend i still cannot forget for single day . waiting and waiting for him is part of my routine and happiness. can he love me now and here after???? my love will you answer my thoughts?????

devotion

for today i slightly think that how my life would be ?each day i thought am i would perform well or perhaps better for another day ...as if i guess. seldomly,i always feel lack of self esteem when i did not pursue well in my english debate during my school time. but i seems to miss them all.
oh how tremendous if time would be easier to turn back into my prior times...i wondering so much today when thinking about my exam results. are they will be precisely in flying colours or not.
i intend to continue my study after this. and i would not give up. well i know i can!!!

today i had a very soothing and relaxing moments when my room filling with lavender and ylang ylang aromatherapy. i posses so much into them and i slowly let my sleep coming into my world of dreams. feel so lonely and weary there and i almost forgot what an earth am i had dream just before???daa am i afraid?or what?some dreams represents on what we want or what things which have came before...more like into deja-vu experienced . and it was so absurd when i had a dream-or can i called and odd and nightmare like dreams dogging through my head JUST THIS afternoon????owh gosh that is so lame wierd...as before i rarely felt asleep during at noon because it make me tired when i woke up and i could stand my eyes longer during night -i mean hardly to sleep when we have fast asleep during at day time.

this devotion like memories kept thumbling in my head and i feel " oh that's only an imagination effa!!!!!" which unsettled in my past days..maybe or perhaps....so forget it...."yeahh okay i will"